Families – and Our Abilities to See Them

by Ken on July 26, 2009

Have you ever noticed how family are the ones that love you most but often know you least?

I’ve heard it said that one is rarely a profit among his own. I believe that is because of high familiarity. This is rather rampant in families – though I think it is only an apparency.

This, unfortunately, manisfests itself into non-observation.

There is no doubt that I am guilty of it.

I’ve a wonderful family composed of vibrant people with interesting viewpoints, admirable skills, and amazing personalities. But it has remained a relative struggle for me to look, adequately, at the details of these people – to see them as they are and not as IĀ  “decided” that they are – or were, long ago.

As a side, one of the best ways to know people is through blogs. Folks that I’ve known for a life time have revealed more of themselves to me through blogs. Those blogs, I believe, have enhanced my understanding and relationship with these folks.

We tend to summarize people and we do it poorly. In my mid 50’s I’ve met so many folks that the easiest thing for me to do, at times, is to create a few pigeon holes and then convince myself that everyone, somehow, fits into one of the rather limitedĀ  genres. How sloppy that is. When one considers the complexity of the human heart, the nearly infinite goodness that resides in most beings, to summarize in this way is such a cope-out. The real danger is that we cut ourselves from the fruits of observation.

We quit looking.

We think we know – so quit looking.

I’ve heard it said that the first step in learning anything is to admit that there is something there to learn. That can be quite a step for many of us.

Our families represent the people who we believe we know the best. So new data, new views, new conclusions, based upon present time observations, are hardest to achieve when it comes to our own families.

I’ve a friend who is having difficulties with his wife. To me, she is a wonderful person; to him, the source of all trouble. This is the same person – as seen from my view and as seen from his. He is unable to see and judge her but through the framework of years of conclusions, years of withdrawals and individuations, and he sees her in a fixed way and is unable to look.

That is really what it comes down to: LOOK – observe in present time the actual situation as it is in front of you. LOOK at the person and see what is really there as a being.

We should all look – at all aspects of life, but especially at our own families.

What we find might be amazing.

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